NFL
And so the absolute worst time of the year is upon us, the true dog days of the summer, that dreadful gap in time and space between the end of the NBA season and the start of the NFL season. We're lovers of all sports on this side, so you'd think there are plenty of other option to keep us occupied, but let's be serious, nothing is ufckin with that pig skin (and no, I'm not referring to the above image). Sure, it's summer time, it's nice outside, and this would be a great opportunity to do something productive with your life, but F all that, WE NEED THAT FOOTBALL. Once again, Nate and myself have teamed up to put together a list to put your mind at ease. For fellow fanatics who need to be talked off the ledge, here go some suggestions on what to do with your time until August when the almighty National Football League returns to us.
Rediscover Your Love For Baseball
shamz: Don't get it twisted, I'm a hard body Yankees fan, but baseball comes in a distant last when talking watchability among the major sports. And being that everyone on the Yankees this year is either injured or old, ain't too much watching going on over here. However, the MLB has long-since been the go-to safe haven for displaced football fans like myself, so I guess it's back to daily watching of the YES Network waiting for A-Rod to fix his hip and ground into some more double plays.
Nate: #athleteswhonevergetphotographedtopless ladies? you make the call...
Watch Aaron Hernandez Self Destruct
shamz: Lord.Have.Mercy. The only thing scarier than this man (allegedly) murkin' two dudes last summer, playing a full football season all smiles and dances, and then (allegedly) executing his boy because he was talking about the crime, would be this man's ICE COLD demeanor during the hearing for the murder charge. As a tatted up black male, I'm not about to say he "looks like a criminal," but if you saw how this man was just unflinchingly standing there expressionless as they handed that murder one charge on him, you'd know what I'm talkin' bout. This story went from "oh, he probably isn't really involved" to "maybe he was at the wrong place at the wrong time" to "hmm I guess that's a little suspicious" to "damn, they cuffin' him" and finally to "oh hell nah, homie's guilty as fuck," in just a matter of days. Damn shame, Aaaron, and RIP Odin Lloyd.
Nate: You're supposed to pay strangers not friends bro... and use acid to disintegrate the body, not leave it in the park around the corner... dont you watch Breaking Bad???
Catch Up On True Blood
shamz: It truly is cruel how HBO follows up the greatest show in television history with one of the filthiest pieces of shit ever, in back to back weeks, with that smooth transition from Game of Thrones to True Blood. I'm not gonna front, I've watched every episode of True Blood (because I'm not a quitter), but that show has gotten very Twilighty (no, I haven't seen those) over the last few seasons. However, in lieu of Sunday Night Football's availability right now, go ahead and tune in to True Blood on Sunday nights with your significant other, and use it against them when you spend every Sunday from August to February watching Football.
Nate: I watched an episode once... Think I'll re-watch Game of Thrones instead.
Witness Jay-Z's Climb to Total World Domination
shamz: This shit is just getting ridiculous. He's married to Beyoncé, Has the POTUS calling him out by name, he "brought" the Nets to Brooklyn, he's now scooping up top-tier athletes left and right on Roc Nation Sports...oh, and you may have heard he just dropped an album today and it's already platinum. Fuck hip-hop, is there anyone winning the game of life like Hova is right now?
Nate: "I came from Marcy, I sold crack, I make rap music, I have all of the money, My shoes are nicer than yours, I know Obama...." you know them old dudes that tell you the same story 20 times??
Watch The Indecision of Dwight Howard
shamz: Tune in to the saga that is indecision 2013, and watch as the Dwightmare continues. The ever-disappointing Center for the L.A. Lakers is supposedly going to pick his next team tomorrow, but I wouldn't hold your breath on that one. I see Dwight's wavering lasting at least a few more weeks, before he chooses the next team he destroys joins, has the coach fired, then leaves. Well it could be worse, you could be a 76ers fan, oh wait...
Nate: My photoshop on this is terrible, but as a Lakers fan, this pretty much describes how I feel about dude....
Tune In To The WNBA (At Your Own Risk)
shamz: For those of you who enjoy your basketball in the below-the-rim variety, you have the WNBA. I'd bet money that you didn't realize that the season has been going on since late May. Worry not, there's plenty of "excitement" left to hold you down for the rest of the summer (you really didn't miss much). I promise you I'm not trying to sound sexist, but boring basketball is boring basketball. These women can hoop (and would without question break me down on the court [some of them]), but clearly, using a near identical formula for men's and women's professional basketball isn't working. Something's gotta change here; lower the rim, make it 3 on 3, anything to actually get people in the seats (is this shit even televised anymore?)
Nate:
Listen To The Kanye Album... Again... And Try To Like It
shamz: I don't know what this dude Nate is trippin' off of, but I fux with that Yeezus. If you don't get hype when Charlie Wilson hops on that "Bound 2" hook, I don't even know what to tell you about music anymore.
Nate: I know yall think he's a genius.. but you probably love the Jigga record too... Sit down. This gets no play in my house.
shamz: Da fuck is a book?
Nate: Self explanatory... get off the internet... read a book... chicks dig it... dummies.. if you need help here are some ideas..
Reminiscences of the Cuban Revolutionary War,The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything,A Happy Death,The Fire Next Time
Watch The Round-The-Clock "Offseason" NFL Coverage
shamz: We've given you plenty of options, but this is definitely the best one. There really is no offseason for Football. I mean, NFL Live still comes on five days a week, 52 weeks of the year. Whether it be ESPN or the NFL Network there's always some news to report and as long as Tim Tebow's alive, this won't change. Discover what Tom Brady ate for breakfast this morning, guess which idiot player is next to get busted for a DUI (smh), Find out if Antonio Cromartieknows the names and ages of all his children yet, or just get a daily reminder how hopeless the JETS are, the news cycle never ends.
Nate: 24hrs of whothefu#k cares just play the real games b...
Well, that's all we've got, I'll let you enjoy the above pic of Andre Smith in all his bare-chested glory, one more time. Hang in there Football fans, and do what you must to survive 'til opening kickoff.
