Why I’m Quiet Quitting Christmas

Deante Kyle is over Christmas, and honestly? Me too. 

Whether you’re pissed about the rising cost of rent and groceries, the 300,000 Black women who lost their jobs because of DEI rollbacks, the invasion of ICE in our city streets, sheisty politicians, interminable genocides, now doesn’t feel like the best time to get into the holiday spirit. Or, at least the corporatized version that’s pretty much become the status quo. It might be time to pull your dollars back. Especially when we’re failing so much at the whole season giving thing. Kyle figured that much during a rant on his Eggs and Grits podcast a couple of months ago. 

“Stop waiting until Christmas to show n***as you love them with gifts,” Kyle said, reminding listeners that not everyone has time to protest in the streets, but anyone can withhold their money. 

Kyle isn’t the only person pushing the idea of a holiday exodus from traditional holiday spending. In response to the SNAP shutdown, influencer and podcaster Cindy Noir posted a video encouraging people to respond by cancelling the holidays. “Close the wallets,” she said in a post that got over 7 million views. Close the wallets, and maybe focus a little less on opening gifts. Even with supposed Black Friday deals, it’s quite possible to end up in debt. 

The added debt alone is a mental health burden. LendingTree reports that parents are most likely to take on holiday debt, averaging around $ 1,200, and many don’t pay it off until months later. That financial stress, paid with the isolation that often comes with shame or scarcity, can deepen the depression that already spikes during the winter. Experts estimate that around 5% of U.S. adults experience Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) each year, while many more face milder depression that impacts their daily life.

Every year, the collective groan starts around September as we slide into winter. Instead of being a season for rest and recovery, it becomes a time of forced cheer, long to-do lists, and mounting financial pressure: Who wants what and how will I get it? And if I don’t get it, then what will that mean for so-and-so? And who’s still remembering to get something for me? Over about two months or so, those anxieties suffocate nearly everyone you know. Not me though. Not really ever. But especially this year. 

I was raised without holidays thanks to my parents’ religious beliefs. So when I became a parent, it was fun to spoil my son with gifts, to give him what I didn’t have. But even then, I knew gifts weren’t the point. Our kids don’t need to rip open mountains of presents. We don’t need to flex on the timeline. What we do need — especially now — is each other. 

In a society run by wealth and access, our wellness is undeniably tied to how we engage with money and all the things attached to our perceived financial worth. But our value is in how we show love to each other — how we show up for each other. Not showing up each other. Especially in a season that can feel so difficult for so many. Make it less difficult for others. Make it less difficult for yourself. 

Instead of pushing through and marking Jan. 1 as the imaginary goal post, what if we all just slowed down and divested from the winter grind in whatever way we can? If that’s pulling back from hosting or the notion of buying everyone you’ve ever met a Christmas gift, consider the chilly weather an opportunity to rest. Instead of planning a decadent holiday meal, ask everyone to bring a dish or a beverage and come as they are. Instead of scanning the internet for deals, what if we put that buying power into mutual aid?

As for me, Christmas will be about strengthening the connections with my friends and family and honoring the year we’ve made it through together. I’ll use my financial resources to support those in need — whether that’s sending funds to victims of genocide in Palestine or microgrants that support single moms. No shopping, no pressure. Just my people and the kind of joy you can’t get at a Black Friday sale.