Posted on 07/03/2008
If Steve Urkel recorded an album of seductive hip-hop slow jams, ghostwritten by Tim Meadows’ Ladies Man, and produced by Sa-Ra Creative partners and J Dilla, it would probably sound a lot like the debut from Hanif-Jamiyl. Krushed Grapes is a collection of clumsily crude come-ons, nasally spoken, spit and crooned over a mellow and surprisingly well crafted assortment of futuristically jazzy beats. The end result will ultimately leave the listener more confounded than aroused.

The Massachusetts MC makes no, umm, bones about the thrust of this album, opening with the chant of “take your panties off now” on the imaginatively titled “Take It Off”. The leisurely thump of the pulsating drums and thick bass manage to establish a sexy late night vibe despite the over the top spoken lyrics. Musically, the album stays in a pocket best described as hip-hop quiet storm. While “Yes U R” plays like the girl song that A Tribe Called Quest never recorded, “She Got It All,” with it’s slapping snares and bubbling synths, would fit right in on Black Spade’s excellent To Serve With Love. If Krushed Grapes were an instrumental album, it could easily serve as the soundtrack for the late night rendez-vous of bohos and BUPPIES alike.

But alas, it isn’t an instrumental album, nor do the lyrics remotely match the sub-tle nuances of the beats. With tracks like “Gyrations,” “Just A Nut,” and “Yummy,” Hanif-Jamiyl minces no words in telling the ladies exactly what’s on his mind. On “Wet Dreams,” he rhymes: “In your right hand was a pretty little kitty cat/I asked you if I could pet that kitty cat/you just smiled and then replied, with a witty crack/You said ‘my kitty cat might like that/But be careful she might bite, she’s a wild cat’/I said ‘girl, I hope so, cause I like that.” Ladies, you can take those panties off anytime. Now factor in the voice, thin and nasal, reminiscent of your junior high school’s hall monitor when puberty kicked in. Umm, ladies... Panties? Sweatpants? Snowshoes?

What to make of Krushed Grapes? A sensual listen for those who only care about the groove? Adolescent sexual insecurity masked as narcissistic bravado? Brilliant satire of the increasingly hyper-sexual state of black music? Who really knows. Given the singularly carnal nature of the artist’s vision, there seems to be only one nu-merical rating that is truly fitting.

- Jeff Harvey